What Healing Is (And What it Definitely Isn't)

Let’s be real for a second – if you search the word "healing" online, you’ll be hit with soothing aesthetics: candlelit baths, green matchas, a fresh journal, and maybe a cute Pinterest quote. But also? Not the full story. All these things are beautiful, there is nothing wrong with engaging in self-care activities here and there, but they rarely give the full scope of the healing process.

The truth is, healing is a lot less glamorous than the internet makes it seem. Sure, it can be peaceful, but it’s also messy, slow, and gritty. It’s not just about treating yourself – it’s about meeting yourself, particularly, the parts of you that are scared, stubborn, tired, and still holding onto old survival patterns. It's not just about self-care; it’s about breaking old cycles and learning to trust yourself again.

So let’s get into it: What is healing, really? And what is it not?

1. Healing Is Nervous System Work (Not Just Mindset Work)

We’ve all seen those inspirational quotes that tell us to “just think positive” or “change your mindset.” (Check out the previous blog article for more on toxic positivity!) And while there’s some truth in mindset work, you can’t think or meditate your way out of a body that’s been in survival mode for years. At its core, it’s about nervous system regulation. Your nervous system is responsible for how your body reacts to stress. When you’re stuck in fight-or-flight mode — a common response to trauma or prolonged stress — your body remains in a heightened state of alert. This can cause emotional dysregulation, anxiety, and burnout over time.

Regulating your Nervous System looks like:

1. Breathing Exercises: Slow, deep breaths activate the parasympathetic nervous system, helping calm your body. Try box breathing (inhale for 4, hold for 4, exhale for 4, hold for 4)
2. Grounding Techniques: Use the 5-4-3-2-1 method to reconnect with your senses and pull yourself out of anxious thoughts.
3. Movement: Gentle movement like stretching or walking helps release tension and activates the vagus nerve, which regulates calm.
4. Body Awareness: Try body scanning or progressive muscle relaxation to release tension and activate your body’s relaxation response.
5. Soothing Your Senses: Engage in sensory activities like listening to music, taking a warm bath, or using calming scents like lavender.
   
   

By practicing these techniques, you’re teaching your body that it’s safe to relax and get out of survival mode, creating the foundation for healing.

2. Healing Is Self-Compassion (Even When You Think You Don’t “Deserve” It)

Healing isn’t about being perfect or “doing it right.” It’s about treating yourself with kindness, especially when you feel like you don’t deserve it. Healing is showing up for yourself, even when it feels like your inner critic is louder than your sense of worth.

It’s about telling yourself: “It’s okay not to have everything figured out. Healing takes time, and I don’t need to be perfect.”

Self-compassion looks like:

• Letting yourself feel without judging yourself for the emotions that arise
• Choosing to rest without needing to earn it
• Forgiving yourself for how you coped in the past when you didn’t have the tools you needed
  
  

Healing isn’t just a moment of self-care. It’s learning to be the voice of reassurance and love that you’ve always needed, especially on the hard days.

3. Healing Is a Practice - Not a Project

Here’s the thing about healing: it’s not a “30-day challenge” or a “quick fix.” There’s no “finish line” where you wake up one day and realize, “I’m healed now!” Healing is a continuous practice, and like any practice, it requires consistency, patience, and grace.

Healing isn’t something you “achieve” or “complete” - it’s something you embrace daily.

Healing can look like:

• Saying no, even when it feels uncomfortable
• Learning to say yes to things that nourish you
• Getting up after setbacks, even when you don’t feel like it
• Slowly and steadily building a better relationship with your body, mind, and heart
  

It’s a process -a long-term one -and the most important thing to remember is you don’t have to have all the answers in the moment. You just have to keep showing up.

4. Healing Isn’t Always Pretty (And That’s Okay)

If you’re expecting healing to look like bubble baths and soft journaling by the window, I’m sorry to break it to you – that’s not it. Sometimes, healing is ugly. It’s messy. It’s showing up for yourself when the world is chaotic, when your emotions are all over the place, and when you don’t have the energy to pretend it’s all fine.

Healing can look like:

• Crying it out in the car, sometimes even a matatu (Been there done that, lol) when you least expect it
• Getting frustrated with yourself because you’re not where you thought you’d be
• Saying goodbye to things and people you thought were permanent and grieving them

Healing isn’t a neatly curated version of “better” – it’s raw, real, and often uncomfortable. But that’s what makes it so beautiful, that's where real healing takes place

5. Healing Is Unlearning (Not Just Learning)

You know how we sometimes get caught in patterns, thoughts, and behaviors that don’t serve us anymore? Well, healing isn’t just about learning new ways of being – it’s about unlearning everything that’s been ingrained in you that doesn’t belong or doesn’t serve you anymore.

You’ve had to adapt to survive – whether it’s pushing through burnout, being hyper-independent, or suppressing your emotions to get by. Now, healing means peeling back those layers and rethinking your responses.

Healing is about:

• Unlearning old habits that were coping mechanisms but aren’t necessary anymore
• Letting go of emotion bias and embracing the full spectrum of human emotions
• Saying goodbye to old narratives about your worth and replacing them with more compassionate truths
  
  

6. Healing Is Building and Leaning Into Support Systems (People, Habits, and Routines)

Listen, there’s no such thing as healing in isolation. No one is meant to do this alone, and part of the process is learning how to lean into support – whether that’s from people, habits, or routines that nurture you.

Healing looks like:

• Surrounding yourself with people who are safe, understanding, and encourage your growth
• Creating habits and routines that help regulate your emotions, like journaling, cooking, or moving your body regularly
• Building connections with others who understand what you're going through and can hold space for you (shout-out to therapy, support groups, or trusted friends!)

Your support system is the soft landing when things feel shaky. It's the reminder that you're not alone in this journey, and you need to have others show up for you just as you show up for yourself.

7. Healing Is Accepting the Layers of You (Including the Messy Ones)

Healing isn’t about becoming a “better” version of yourself – it’s about accepting the full spectrum of who you are. The good, the bad, the ugly, and the beautiful parts. The moments of strength, the breakdowns, the growth, and the pain.

Healing means accepting your:

• Strengths and weaknesses without judging yourself
• Messy moments without shame
• Growth and setbacks as part of the same journey
  
  

You are allowed to be complex. You are allowed to hold all these parts of yourself – the ones that feel ugly and the ones that are ready to shine. Healing is simply the act of showing up for all of it.

So, healing isn’t some mystical, fairy tale version of self-love – it’s work. It’s a beautiful process. It’s about nervous system regulation, self-compassion, unlearning, and most importantly, leaning on the support systems that nurture you along the way.

So, the next time you’re feeling like healing is taking longer than you expected, remember: it’s not about a glow-up or a perfectly curated Instagram feed. It’s about the messy, unfiltered, and deeply human process of coming back home to yourself. And in that, you are doing more than enough.